Lexus – Taking Over the World

The Toyota Corolla is Australia’s 2^nd most bought car so far in 2005. This is about to change.

In the last election, the labour party, as a last ditched effort to attract voters, decided to appeal to an important demographic. They promised in the last week that they would stop cutting down trees in Tasmania. Other political parties are also starting to align themselves with the same type of voter. And now, car companies have realised, in their slow thinking ways that maybe, just maybe, creating a car for this type of person, might make them some money. First to step up to the plate is Lexus.

The 21^st Century household wife is a well educated person, who may have just sacrificed her career to help in the upbringing of her children. By nature, she’s a pacifist, and above all, she cares. She really cares about her children, so she drives a four wheel drive. But because she cares, she feels bad about all the small animals that are dying because of this large obtuse object that she inflicts on the school run. But because she just cares about her children more than the environment, and remembering only just, she won’t get rid of the lumbering beast, for something a little more tamer, something that in its spare time helps out the monkeys in Africa.

Ideally she would like Pierce Brosnan to come and sweep her off her feet, but at this point in life, she knows that it’s not going to happen, so she’ll settle for second best. All the major car manufacturers these days produce a large SUV, but Lexus has just landed a killing blow, that potentially would replace the BMW X5 as the yummy mummy’s car of choice.

The BMW has been the perfect school run car. It has the badge. It has the looks, and crucially, it’s one that the husband doesn’t mind paying out for. This is because when he was in a waiting room one day, the only choice of magazines to pass the time, were either 4 worded articles, with single syllable words detailing the lives of celebrities you’ve never heard of, or a few car magazines. Whilst feigning disinterest, he leafs through one of the car mags, and comes across an article detailing a few SUV’s, and marking out the X5 as the one to have. He doesn’t understand what it means by lift off oversteer, and plough on understeer, but they sound fantastic to him, and surely, they must mean it’s a good car. The wife approves, and they purchase it, in silver, with the thumping great big V8 and drug dealer wheels.

The vehicle? Well, it looks nothing more than just a Lexus RX330. But when the aforementioned mum is chatting to other mums at the school run, one of them will mention smugly, that hers is hybrid. Of course, they’ve all heard about hybrids, and isn’t it one of those funny little Toyota things? Too small! How on earth would she keep her children safe in one of them?

Her friend shows her the hybrid – the Lexus 400h. It looks like a RX330, but her friend assures her, it doesn’t use any fuel to pootle down to the shops for a frappe mocha latte with Lesley and Dianne.

This is why the Lexus 400h is going to take over the world. This will be the most wanted car; every wife will be berating their husbands, denying them sex until they must simply get the Lexus. It even has an electric tailgate! It’s so good to the environment, she’ll tell all her friends about it, so they’ll buy one, and the whole process continues.

When you hear about the Lexus 400h outselling everything else on the market, remember, you read it here first.