Desire is a Cruel Mistress

I think there is something wrong with me. This is not a recent development, but I’m lusting after something foolish. It’s part of my genetic makeup to lust after foolish things, unattainable objects of desire, probably the reason why you can keep a man happy for hours with a few issues of Ralph, Sports Illustrated and Maxim.

Not only wish for things we can’t possibly get, but we go to the point of actually working out the finer points of acquiring said object, and living with it, on a day to day basis. I know that a few years ago, I had a desire for a Porsche 928. I know now that this car costs a lot of money to keep on the road, and when new cost in excess of $180,000, so it had bills for a car that costs $180,000. As a fuel pump boy, with a measly $50 a week, even if I had the means to purchase said car, I wouldn’t even be able to keep it on the road. The engine didn’t just consume petrol like it was going out of fashion, but drank it in huge eye watering gulps.

But for some reason or another, cars from the late 70’s to the late 80’s with rather large engines have hit a soft point inside of me. Have you seen a Mercedes-Benz AMG bodied SEC500? In white? I know I did, and boy, do I want that car. This soft point isn’t just relegated to cars set back in bad hair do time.

My father for example drives a Toyota Landcrusier. For the past 13 years, we’ve had one variant or another in our family. These lumbering behemoths are superb off road, but the latest one has charmed me over. Sure, it’s a face lifted model over the previous one we had. I don’t care that it has GPS, leather seats, and a refrigerated glove box. Or even a light on the passenger side to let them know that their seatbelt isn’t on. Or that the steering wheel can be adjusted with electricity. No, for me it’s the engine. It’s a diesel.

I know, diesel equals great economy (which shows how tight you are), and also provides lots of torque which is useful for towing, apparently. To try and give this car some credibility at commuting, the Toyota engineers have gone and bolted a great big whopping turbo on the side. This car, not only now has the torque to tow a mountain, but it also now has power. And a lovely turbo whistle. Plus, to annoy people following me, when you flatten it, not only does the car shoot forward with alarming speed for a lumbering behemoth, but it also sully’s the air behind with a cloud of black smoke. Fantastic.

But for me, the most recent trend is the aching desire for a Jaguar XJS. I know the electrics are made by Lucas, Price of Darkness, the body rots at the merest sight of dampness, and the rear suspension from the factory, was too soft to hold up the car, I still want one. It will break down every 20 minutes. It will cause me pain in the hip pocket. But tell me how many times you’ve seen one drive by, and haven’t drooled at it.