Driven To Distraction

I apologise for not having an update last week, I’ll make up by having two this week. Thanks to all the (4) people that read this. Hi mum. Now for an Autocar (before they messed it up) style review of the Camry.

Toyota Camry

Top Speed: Fastest Car In The World (if rented)

0-100: Not Fast Enough

70-0: Ditto

For: Comes with beige cardigan

Against: Comes with beige cardigan

Introduction

The latest Toyota Camry came onto the scene with a mass cure for insomnia. Over the years, for the Australian market, Toyota produces a mid sized sedan, which has been remarkably plain. They have followed, with religious fervour the rather self explanatory 3 box design. The driving experience was a means of automotive that got you from A to B, that looked boring, and because it was so damned reliable, you never had a good enough excuse to get rid of the damned things.

The Camry comes from the American derived Camry, and in an effort to be different, Toyota restyled it extensively. They did such a marvellous job, that it still looks exactly like the American one. Kudos goes to Toyota Australia for such a cock up.

Design & Engineering

Good points are as follows: It’s reliable. It’s a Toyota. It won’t break down. The headlights look good. That’s it really. Oh, the V6 makes a nice noise just before it redlines.

This car has been manufactured in Australia, and Australians can prove that it is possible to make cars with panel gaps that line up, but the Camry isn’t one of these cars. The fit and finish of the car was deplorable. There were gaps large enough to drive a LandCruiser through (like the Toyota plug?), and this design followed through to the interior. The mismatches of plastics are horrendous, but at least are of a similar colour. If you find battleship grey mixed with poo a sexy colour, stop reading and head for your nearest Toyota dealer. Try not to stain the seats. For the rest of us, it’s American rubbish. America has trouble making an interior that is attractive and functional, for mass produced cars. I cannot think of a single American car that has a truly desirable interior, and anyone who is going to comment about the Chrysler Imperial can shut up now, 1937 wasn’t yesterday, no matter how much Morgan Cars argue otherwise (they still make cars with wood). And Art Deco in cars was killed off by Ralf Nader. So shut up.

No, the interior isn’t so much as horrendous, as a standing ovation to the design characteristics of cars produced in the 1990’s. It is so completely featureless, the moon looks like a carnival of bright colours and flashing lights in comparison. The seats are simply pews in which you rest yourself on, and are uncomfortable enough to keep you from falling asleep against the affront to design the dash provides.
A pathetic and shameful attempt really. If anyone considers this to be a handsome car, with a well sorted interior will be taken outside and shot by me.

Plus the handbrake was on the wrong side of the centre console. Every time you go to engage/disengage your passenger will be giving you strange looks when you go to grasp the handbrake as it looks like your hand is on trajectory to their thigh.

Performance/Brakes

This is one area of the car that is better than the looks. Braking, not the performance. The brakes have a nice progressive feel to them, and I was taken aback by the performance they offered. I have not ever known a Toyota to offer this amount of feel and feedback, and to find it in a family sedan was a pleasant surprise.

The performance of the car, to be charitable, was crap. So it had a V6 displacing a truly massive 3 litres, it was pathetic, and limp wrested. It made a nice sound, as I mentioned before when you rev the ring out of it, but otherwise, it was pathetic.

Being front wheel drive, front engined, it had a ponderous feel when the going got tough. This car doesn’t inspire confidence. A Camry driven in anger is not a good thing. The suspension was too hard for Australia’s dreadful roads. You felt every lump, bump, and expansion joint in the road. The ride was truly woeful. The Ford BA Falcon could teach many things to the Camry, though thanks largely to its Jaguar derived Independent Suspension.

Handling & Ride

I pretty much have covered this in the previous topic. I did not enjoy driving this car in anger (in the cars defence there were squeals of protest from Precious in the passenger seat). Front wheel drive, plus a heavy V6 over the front wheels doesn’t really set the car on a good footing to start with, but even so, it has loads of engineered in understeer to sway you otherwise. I didn’t left foot brake/lift off oversteer because I don’t know how to, and I would probably broadside a tree knowing my luck. Ditto to the fact I don’t have access to a racetrack with large run off areas.

Comfort, Safety and Equipment

Comfort: Rubbish.

Safety: It has Airbags, and fantastic brakes.

Equipment: Again, I think I saw a free optional beige cardigan on the options list.

Running Costs:
You put fuel in and it goes. You service it when you need to. It’s a car damn it, and they cost money to run. Plus I think I’ve seen some low mileage BA MkII Falcons around for the price of the V6 Camry. I know what I’d buy.

The Autocar Tristram Verdict

The Ferrari F430 is irresistible, whether you’re viewing it from the kerb or the drivers seat…the F430 is the most exciting high performance driving machine of the moment…err sorry, the article I was plagiarising from was drawing me away. I can’t believe they gave the Aston Martin DB9 only 4 out of 5 stars! And they’d buy the Ferrari over the DB9! Are they nuts? Ferrari’s have lost their timeless beauty, and are now shaped in a wind tunnel instead, bringing that function over form argument to the fore. Quite frankly, the Aston Martin is a amazing and very beautiful vehicle, that I would give up 50% of my chance to have children to own.

Oh, and avoid the Camry, its bollocks. If you really have a need to get around, the bus is a viable alternative.