Toyota Camry, Possibly The Worst Car In The World?

In my day to day humdrum life, I come across all sorts of people. Due to my choice employment, and study, I certainly meet all types. And from this, you can distil many types of people.

First off are the mature aged women, in their 50’s, with no life left in them. They have the full knowledge that their bodily bits are starting to drop off from this age, and that they no longer have their youthful looks. They fall into the ‘battleaxe’ class. Simply because their simple lives involve nothing more than either serving customers or bitching about customers/colleges to customers/colleges. Nothing is ever good enough for these people, and compassion is something they lost along with their virginity. These people by nature aren’t very intelligent. Usually, and IQ of 75 is needed to walk and talk at the same time. Somehow, they’d make these people look the equivalent of Hawking. They find Woman’s Weekly and New Idea scintillating and in-depth reads. Knowing all about celebrities lives will enrich their lives, just as much as smoking will make you wrinkle free and young again.

They have a perm job on their hair, in some deluded hope that it’ll make them look beautiful. Makeup too is applied liberally, hoping that if you fill in the wrinkles with polyfilla (Google it) that they might regain the youthful sheen. A trowel is part of their makeup kit. In short they aren’t very pleasant to talk to, are annoying, and quite frankly should’ve dropped off the planet 20 years ago.

Next off are the men whose lives revolve around a crappy job. They may actually enjoy their job and find it scintillating. Their jobs usually involve repeating a mundane task over and over again. This ranges from cutting fabric to a certain length, or selling manchester in a department store. They lead a simple life, and have simple minds. To pass the time they talk about women. Or the ‘Job.’ The Job is important to them. It is their life, and it means the world to them. As well acquiescing to their boss. In short, their lives are unfulfilling, simple, and as a result, they are not very intelligent people. They also think that they’re intelligent, and funny, as well as good looking. In honesty, they’re annoying, petulant little children that think they’re grown up, and someone has allowed them to fornicate with their wives, and bred. As soon as these people left school and got a part time job, they condemned themselves to a mundane job for the rest of their life. You can easily see these people in the city, walking along. They are the balding ones, with a fat wife, and 3 children who are all fat, ugly and stupid. They will grow up, leave school, get job, get mortgage, get kids, get fat, and die. Nothing too complex for these simpletons to handle.

Nosy people piss me off too. Not just people who like to gossip and want to know what happens, but people who have to know in every detail about what other people are doing, even if it has not one iota of their business. Usually these people are managers, and are on a power trip of sorts. These aren’t the sort of managers you encounter in the professional business arena, I for one have no experience with this, so I don’t know of they differ or not. Instead, I’m talking about managers that have been promoted from crappy mundane jobs that have flourished into a full time career of crap. They have tiny wages, and, if it’s male, their wives dress them. For men, this is not a good idea, because quite frankly women have no idea how to dress a man. They many think they do, but I can quite honestly sit here and put my hand on a bible without fear of being smote, and agree to the aforementioned. Usually by the time the wife turns 50, she is falls into the ‘battleaxe’ category. As managers, for the uni student, you are going to hate them. You know that you are immensely more capable than them at the job you are doing, and you could also do theirs too, whilst still at university. The mangers realise this, and give the poor student, even fewer hours, committing the student to find another job. And so on. You go to work each day, plotting how to get back at the manager and make them look like a fool.

What ties all these horrid people together are two things. First, they don’t know that they should be grouped together and made to live on the moon, with no oxygen or food, and that they all chiefly drive Toyota Camry’s. This makes it the worst car, in the world! You know that there is some middle aged twat who treats all the people around them like a puppy treats your favourite slipper. In the end you know both are going to get chewed out, and there is not a damned thing you can do about it.

The reason why they like their Toyota Camry is simple, like their minds. It is a big simple car. It has 4 wheels. It can seat 5. It is a Toyota, so it will never break down, even if you leave it submerged in sea water for a month. It also comes in a 4 cylinder model, so they can drive around, in a big car, and look down their nose on the larger 6 cylinder models and laugh about how much more fuel efficient their cars are. It’s this priggish inward looking idealism that sums these people up. They are so stupid, and have such a shit job, that they can’t even afford a proper large 6 cylinder car. And if they can, they’re still stupid.

What worries me, is that I’m about to spend a week in a rented Camry.

But everyone knows the fastest moving object in the universe is a rented car.