What car to buy?

Times change, and political correctness is, well, upon us. People won’t remember the “Noughties” as a decade of partying like it was ’99, but rather the decade when we all got all conservative, became touchy about all sorts of stupid things, and kicked some serious Arab ass. And got our asses handed back to us by Arabs. Serves us right really, thinking that we could change the political landscape in Afghanistan and Iraq overnight with some Abrams tanks and a few jets. And nude pictures of Iraqi’s in prison being molested by dogs, by us.

No, the most disappointing thing about the day and age we live in is that minority groups get a little too much media attention. There is currently a group camping out on the lawns in front of parliament house protesting about something, since the commonwealth games started. I don’t know what they’re doing, except for the fact that there are probably 13 of them, and they’re protesting about something stupid. There is also a man protesting about logging somewhere, and is camping out at a top of a tall tree. Last report is that he intends to stay up there for quite a while. By all means, let him stay up there. I’ll even get him some McDonalds to keep him happy.

This may all come as a direct result from listening to too much Triple J on my new Bose clock radio, but this isn’t the worst of it. Attempting to be politically correct filters down to our most mundane daily choices. Do you buy organic eggs because the chickens can roam free in a big field? What happens when it rains? Or if it gets cold, as it does frequently in the winter? How about bread? Does the oven they bake the bread in come from organic mines? Is the money you pay for the bread with organic? I think the most organic thing I’ve associated with today was my poo. I roam free (to a certain extent, my bus won’t take me to Queensland at a whim, or the Hay plains), I eat when and what I want, I can exercise (house to bus stop is the limit, really) and get wet when it rains, or get cold when it winters.

But the most annoying political correctness is in the purchase of cars. And to accompany those are some of the most idiotic arguments I’ve heard. Take Typical B Grade Celebrity: Thandie Newton. Mrs Newton is an actress, and has children. She is also quite pretty, and my dear old ugly aunt once told me beauty is only skin deep. I’m not sure if she said this because she’s jealous of pretty women, or if by saying that it brings her intelligence up to Einstein levels.

Mrs Newton drives a BMW X5. This is a fantastic 4wd. Whilst it may be getting a little old, this car still looks good today, has the most ‘car like’ drive of any 4wd, but is quite popular with the B grade celebrity set. And C. Even footballers wives. Now, a Greenpeace activist (aka communist) vandalised her car by putting a sticker on it with the message “This gas-guzzling 4x4 is causing climate change.” Now last time I checked, for every scientist saying that cars are causing climate change, I could find another who disagreed. But our dear Thandie took this message to heart, and chopped her car in for a Prius.

Europe is blessed with a mind boggling range of small sedans. The Prius is one of the most awkward looking of these and the most expensive, but it is a hybrid. And daaaaarrrrling, you simply must drive a hybrid – it practically reverses climate change. Or does it? A similar sized car, with a diesel engine emits less carbon dioxide, and uses less fuel, and looks better, and costs less to maintain. Plus you’re not lugging around the equivalent weight of two dead bodies, or in this case, the batteries.

Mrs Newton made this choice because of her children. Noble, but a little flawed. Last time I went to physics about 8 years ago, the only thing I can really remember is that being in a larger car is safer to a smaller car, due to mass. So by replacing the X5 for the smaller Prius, her children’s “future” is provided for, but if she does have that accident, then at least she can sleep at night in the knowledge that whilst her children may be in a dismembered/dead/mutilated/vegetable like state, at least the world will be a little less dead.

Don’t mind me; I’m going to be the fat bastard driving my S Class Mercedes that belches out more carbon dioxide and attracts no attention from even the most ardent communist like greenie.