Adelaideism

The wonderful thing about being human is that we are always living in an age of constant technical revolution. New ideas are being tossed about, new theories, new styles, even fashion changes from day to day. Unfortunately, living in Adelaide, most of this constant state of flux is repressed. To say Adelaide is conservative is like calling the Queen a lady that’s getting on a bit, with a small amount of money behind her. So Adelaide gets left behind the rest of the world, dragging its heels, rather like the recalcitrant teenager we all were at 15. We want to do things our way, regardless of what everyone else is doing. The local newspaper does a fantastic job of sensationalising stories to such an extent, that last weekend we were told that by 2010, Adelaide was pretty much going to be a wasteland, in a fug of nuclear fallout.

It seems Adelaide’s policy makers have this utopian dream of us all living in colonial styled houses, dressing conservatively, leading our quiet little lives, and heavens, dare you suggest change, you’ll be simply marched to the city boundary, and the gates will shut behind you. If you want to immigrate to Adelaide (you will, trust me, it’s a great place to die, 40% of our population are retired, so it must be good), you’ll need to pass a test to make sure that you won’t bring any radical ideas into this non changing city. It’s almost as if they want us to reside in 1950, just before the word teenager was invented. This disease, I like to term Adelaideism.

As the youth of Adelaide, we are always looking forward to the day we can break free, finish our university studies, and move out. Brain drain rears its ugly head, our most talented people either being head hunted and offered tempting pay and work, or simply heading further afar to more interesting climes. The United Kingdom certainly is one of the ideal locations for most of our graduates to venture forth to. Lately though, there has been a worrying trend, that seems to be growing. Adelaideism seems to be catching in the UK, and now it has struck the heart of their politicians.

There is a motorway called the M6. It travels from Birmingham to Manchester. Congestion is rife along this journey, with the road struggling to cope with demand. A new road was proposed, called the M6 Expressway, which ran parallel to the M6, and was intended to relieve congestion along the struggling M6. Motorists would have saved 30 minutes in either direction, which has flow on effects, less pollution, less road rage, and so forth.

But this was to never be. Environmentalists (emphasis on the mentalist) have intervened, and blown wind up any investor wanting to invest money in the project. The Mentalists have apparently located a dozen of sensitive sites that this road would damage, the two most prominent ones being Trentham Gardens, and Stafford Castle. Now I’m sure in 1759 a committee of Environmentalists would have sat down with the owners and architects, making sure that the site that they picked to construct the simply massive house was the least damaging to this, ahem, sensitive area. Not. I’m sure the same happened in 1100 to Stafford Castle. Except this time, it would’ve been a civil engineer in place of the architect to make sure that the artificial hill they constructed would be of the least damage to the local environment. Not.

This thinking really annoys me, its backward, stupid thinking. Why stop progress, for progress sake? This happens in Adelaide, where nothing of notable use to the world has ever come. Balfours & Villies pies, pasties and cakes don’t count. When Karl Benz invented the first ever motorcar, I’m sure there were no politicians or eco weenies to disrupt his work. If Karl was alive today, and had just constructed his Benz Patent Motorwagen in Adelaide, you could guarantee he would’ve been marched to the city limit, and told never to come back again. Good heavens, such thinking must be stamped out, lest it spread like wildfire among the population.

Actually, Adelaide has brought something to the world. Adelaideism.