Why you should drive an old Mercedes
There’s a television series on at the moment presented by Baldric of Black Adder fame. I haven’t taken the time out to see this myself, but the premise is quite simple. He looks for the worst jobs ever in history, and tries them out. Apparently some of the results can be quite amusing. If we had to look around ourselves now, things aren’t so bad.
There are no really bad jobs anymore, we have machines to do the truly atrocious ones. Even the really bad ones pay well – to the point struggling university students would even contemplate doing them. Nonetheless, there are jobs around that makes you question what type of person would devote their lifetime and career working at it.
Security guards are a good starting point. Interviews must go along the lines of “are you a small minded cretinous bully?” If responded in the affirmative, then you’re handed your plastic badge, shirt with polyester lapels and walkie talkie. You patrol deserted car parks, gyms and shopping centres, bored out of your little minds, and most probably go home to sodomise bunnies and puppies. You don’t have any friends, and you most certainly drive a tiny Korean shitbox.
Car park attendants make security guards look like charismatic fellows, full of life and so popular with their friends that they require a PA to organise their social lives. No parking attendants, I have to summarise are not human. Why on earth anyone would want to do a job where you are patently hated by everyone. Even people who don’t drive cars don’t like parking attendants. What do these people tell their friends when asked what their profession is? Lie and say they’re something interesting like a tax accountant? How do these people procreate? Moreover who allows these people to procreate? And the car they drive? Either the old second hand motor bike the council has given them (and should be run over any given opportunity) or a…Korean shitbox.
Which brings me around to Mercedes – old Mercs in particular. You’d have to belong to a lunatic asylum to drive one of these old boats around. Sure, you can pick them up for not a lot of money, but they drink fuel faster than a Hummer, probably one of the most fuel inefficient vehicles on the road at the moment. They cost a lot of money to keep going, and some are getting so old, serious restoration work is required to get them back on the road again.
But have you ever seen an old Merc slide by? Have you noticed how amazing it looks? You ignore the rust streaks, the chrome falling away, but watched as it progressed stately by. You don’t feel any animosity towards the driver – unlike a driver of a new Mercedes. In our current political distaste towards speed, you begin to look like a bit of a tool buying a fast car. Instead, change your perspective and drive something more appropriate. The same applies for most old cars – but there is a line. Unless you’re over 50, anything old and American is unacceptable. Unless you’re a child of a member of the Beach Boys, you have no excuse to drive an old Desoto or Mercury. Instead think Western European. Anything east is most certainly from beyond the Iron Curtain, and unless your clinically insane, or want to die – no, don’t go there. Nothing screams colonial expatriate looking down on convicts as an old Jaguar or Bentley. Cigar and chauffer advisable.
But an old Merc? Pure cool.
There’s a television series on at the moment presented by Baldric of Black Adder fame. I haven’t taken the time out to see this myself, but the premise is quite simple. He looks for the worst jobs ever in history, and tries them out. Apparently some of the results can be quite amusing. If we had to look around ourselves now, things aren’t so bad.
There are no really bad jobs anymore, we have machines to do the truly atrocious ones. Even the really bad ones pay well – to the point struggling university students would even contemplate doing them. Nonetheless, there are jobs around that makes you question what type of person would devote their lifetime and career working at it.
Security guards are a good starting point. Interviews must go along the lines of “are you a small minded cretinous bully?” If responded in the affirmative, then you’re handed your plastic badge, shirt with polyester lapels and walkie talkie. You patrol deserted car parks, gyms and shopping centres, bored out of your little minds, and most probably go home to sodomise bunnies and puppies. You don’t have any friends, and you most certainly drive a tiny Korean shitbox.
Car park attendants make security guards look like charismatic fellows, full of life and so popular with their friends that they require a PA to organise their social lives. No parking attendants, I have to summarise are not human. Why on earth anyone would want to do a job where you are patently hated by everyone. Even people who don’t drive cars don’t like parking attendants. What do these people tell their friends when asked what their profession is? Lie and say they’re something interesting like a tax accountant? How do these people procreate? Moreover who allows these people to procreate? And the car they drive? Either the old second hand motor bike the council has given them (and should be run over any given opportunity) or a…Korean shitbox.
Which brings me around to Mercedes – old Mercs in particular. You’d have to belong to a lunatic asylum to drive one of these old boats around. Sure, you can pick them up for not a lot of money, but they drink fuel faster than a Hummer, probably one of the most fuel inefficient vehicles on the road at the moment. They cost a lot of money to keep going, and some are getting so old, serious restoration work is required to get them back on the road again.
But have you ever seen an old Merc slide by? Have you noticed how amazing it looks? You ignore the rust streaks, the chrome falling away, but watched as it progressed stately by. You don’t feel any animosity towards the driver – unlike a driver of a new Mercedes. In our current political distaste towards speed, you begin to look like a bit of a tool buying a fast car. Instead, change your perspective and drive something more appropriate. The same applies for most old cars – but there is a line. Unless you’re over 50, anything old and American is unacceptable. Unless you’re a child of a member of the Beach Boys, you have no excuse to drive an old Desoto or Mercury. Instead think Western European. Anything east is most certainly from beyond the Iron Curtain, and unless your clinically insane, or want to die – no, don’t go there. Nothing screams colonial expatriate looking down on convicts as an old Jaguar or Bentley. Cigar and chauffer advisable.
But an old Merc? Pure cool.
No comments:
Post a Comment